My writing stresses me out. It’s not that I think I’m a bad writer. I know I’m not at the ability of my daydream self. Daydream Ari is able to write a masterpiece in an afternoon with words so powerful they can launch a rocket to Mars, dig up water, sprout life into a vacuum, and cure cancer.
It’s just that, I finish a rough draft under the guise of, it’s okay if it’s shit because that’s what editing is for, but then the editing starts and I’m just staring at this 300 page document thinking “what have I done?”
There’s always good writing in it. That’s not because I’m a good writer it’s just simple statistics. Anyone who can read and write is capable of saying something smart if they have 70,000 words to play with. The problem is, I’m often left asking two questions (depending on the book I’m working on):
1) Where the hell is the plot?
2) why do these characters suck?
Okay, there’s a chance there’s a third question that’s some combination of the previous 2 but I just bury those manuscripts deep in my desktop folders for future Ari to deal with–future Ari has gotta be way smarter than me after all.
The problem I’m dealing with now comes from two manuscripts. Both are about 250 pages, both lack that emotional punch. It’s impressive how unemotional they are actually I mean one deals with assisted suicide and euthanasia in a fantasy setting (it’s disguised as a medical option but it’s really a non-mortal experience on another plane of existence) and the other deals with a painter who is forced to return home and is haunted by his dead fiance.
Both lack backstory, which I can’t weave in without flashbacks, and I’m nervous the flashbacks I put in during edits are too abrupt–like la di da here’s your story then BAM! Flashback boulder drops from the sky and you have to walk all the way around it to get back to the plot.
I mean–I guess what sucks is these are clearly supposed to be emotional stories with deep themes–I guess–and they more often than not leave me asking “so what?” while I’m reading them. I can’t publish them because I don’t feel like punishing people for buying my book lol.
I’m just in a bit of a rut I guess. Part of me wants to work on new projects but I know that’s crazy since I have these old projects to work on. I also know if I can’t edit these old projects what’s the point in working on something new because it’s just going to end up in my edit folders one day and will never be touched again.
So I’m working on these two projects–I’m hoping I find results.
I have another novella coming out October 17
I have two episodes of a serial I’m co-writing with Lauren Lee coming out September 4th with a new episode released monthly.
It would be a nice win if I could put out my first full length novel soon.